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Ive recently come home from our trip (with kimmi, stevo, and nels) from melbourne/sydney... and whats one of the first things i feel obliged to do??? Post a blog. God i am dedicated... So... how has visiting the other side of my fair country contributed to my overall wellbeing?? ....

Umm.. well... three bottles of worm tequila (YES I'D LIKE A WORM IN MINE THANX), one scorpion tequila (was it even tequila..?), three vodka, one jagameister, three cartons, a few cocktails and trillions more club shots later.... later umm... i cant relly recall... ha! hrm.. im nearly $2g lighter.. 3 kilos heavier.. and oh so relatively content.


It's been all good.. a noice break from reality really... but overall... i think i found melb more to my liking.. all nice and organised.. we had our own apartment there so we could cook our own meals... and it also turned out all the clubs we headed out to were walking distance.... (when im drunk... i can walk ANYWHERE and feel no pain in heels)

so.. anyways.. heres the run down...

MELBOURNE
We stayed in some apartment place, the unilodge. Okok.. so i didnt realise that when they said bed.. they meant sofa bed.. and wen they said sofa bed... they meant some fkn small as sofa bed... too small for even me to stretch out in... which meant that we had to rotate sleeping on our own makeshift bed on the floor, as there was only one other double bed.... = my bad....
i cooked a bloody good veg soup to make up... kinda

shopping is the shiznit... the dezzzman and his friend eugene took us out to this mofo of a sale in chadwick.. where pretty much every shop (over 200 shops ppl... TWO HUNDRED)... had some crazy ass sale percentage off do happening.. eg 50% off everything in the guess shop... 20% off everything bardot... awww.. i ended up buying shit from priceline.. ha! what a tool aye..

The first four nights in melb ended up in a drunken mess... i dont think that i could sit thru that many rounds of big two if it wasnt for the booze... which tasted foul... aww... no mo worm in mine thanks.. i have never in my life seen kimmye RED... but who wud've guessed.. she IS a TRUE ASIAN! Lobster i tells u... got cooked with the 'tequila'. I would post a foto up.. but i thinks she would seek revenge.....

went to our first melb club on fri night courtesy of dez. He tells me the place is called "platform one".... and he continues to say.. its just opposite where we live... So we live on flinders st, opposite the train staion.. so i put two and two together... we're clubbing at the train station, the first platform to be precise.

This all seemed so legit to me at the time in a kinda tipsy way... So... waiting.. waiting... Im walking around going.. so this is platform one....and if i keep walking.. it becomes platform two.. so between platform one and two.. did anyone see SOMETHING that resembled a club..??? Both stevo and kimmye shake their heads.... dammit.. so i mustve been hearing things... i calls dez. and he tells me... "ITS AT PLATFORM ONE" goddammit.. stop screwing with my head mister.. i AM at platform one.. with random friggin commuters... wth are YOUU??

Turns out... we had to keep walking... PAST platform one and two... past the train station.. to a nearby club... called platform one.... sigh...


we walked in and in tru dezman style.. he had VIP to the club. his own private table, with his name on it. And in true dez style, we order our drinks.. by the bottle.. chivas and a jd.. fullly shiick moite... =)

But alas.. the club was dead.. ppl 'studying' or something.. pffft exams..
Gotta say tho.. kimz and i were expecting a metros kinda drill... where were the skankily dressed femmes??? wheree??? shit.. we were overdressed.. had to keep our jackets on... til we felt.... more drunkenly appropriate..
By the end of the night.. everything was good.. music was pumping.. bodies were moving.. yes.. as a club should be..
i would tho.. like to get my hands on the person that took our other bottle tho.. karma'll git u...

The rest of our days were spent shopping at the usual outlets.. dfo, chapel st, bridge rd... drinking hot choc @ Max brenner... mmmmm good shit.. loaded with BUTTER.. but mmmm ... the creamy goodness...

sat night.. another nite of drunken bliss... we tried looking for a club we were told was asian.. and rnb.. we were told to hit the bouldevard... ha! took us friggin FOREVER to find it.. hitched a ride with some random egyptians... ended up in the casino.. then on the street... asking the bouncers to guide us to this so called boulevard....
Finally.. like a lock to its key.. we found the place.. and we found.. we fit... ohhh ... so at home again.. like a metroz.. but the only ppl we knew were each other... hrm.. was a good nite =)

SYDNEY

BAhh.. raining all friggin week. Nels joined us in this leg of the trip. I was sick with a cold the first day, (maybe coz dez tok us to the BEACH the night before...=)) Which meant i was holed up in my hotel room watching cheaters, wwe, jerry and other such shows for the whole day. Turned out to be a good thing. i was nice n rested the next day.. no cold! record time recovery. Just in time to hit some random club we heard about on the radio.... the sapphire suite.
We taxied it there with jackie chan.. (thats what i like to remember) he told us good stories about his daughter doing her hsc.. and how hard life is in australia.. then he told us he didnt know where he was going... grrrr... so we hopped out.. only to find that we were a street off... woot..

As we were on a tight budget... i thought i'd play the tightwad.. so i asked the barbitch for her "cheapest shots" Boy did she deliver... $3 shots anyone??

Again... we were disappointed..or at least i was... where was the hotties???? if kimz n i were the only booties shaking on the dance floor... we got a problem there... but... after more shots... and a jagabomb chaser.. all was hot.

We spent the next night at the Armin White party... So.. we reach the venue... but as soon as we we turn the corner to the entrance... we feel the presence.. of a pack of sniffer dogs and the po po.

shit dog.. dont go sniffing me aye.. i aint got no drugs.. why dont u go over to that guy with the frgn GAS MASK on.. or the guy dressed as a cruncher (curry muncher).. or the marilyn wannabe?? those gotts 2 b on drugs to be dressing all messed up like that.... =S

after a 45 min wait for the cloak room.... and another wait for the toilet... we was ready to rock n roll...
well.. overall.. it was okkk... i think i would have rathered a metros shindig.. where theres muliple levels opened up.. so then i can at least sit down for a bit and actually SEE the guy.. the seats in the dome were fkn AGES away.. had to wade thru a sea of pill poppers just to grab a seat.. annoying... and it was just.. well.. a concrete room.. bahhh... take me home.. its 6.30am.. and wayyyy past my bed time.


A couple of days later we headed off to fish markets... ha! funny shit... if anyone has met my stevo.. u wud know.. that he thinks he is the man.. but we found his weakness in the fishmarkets... OYSTERS. all i got to say. if u want 2 c the footage of him trying to swallow the bitch raw.. and then nearly yack it out.. let me know =)

Sheeesh.. this is turning out to be a mmother of a blog. Im calling it quits. i got a room to clean.. and tv to watch.
Basically.. my bro took us out everywhere.. which was cool. he pumped the tunes good and solid in his ride.. our last night was spent at lowenbrau.. mmm... german bier.... 1L steins all round... and yummo sausages

THINGS I HAVE REALISED

Stevo abuses room service. I have never seen anyone use the phone for room service as much as he does.. more blankets, more piilows, more tissues, more hot chocolate, more soap, more shampoo, wake up calls, more food - raw steak to be exact.

Kimmye and nels make a fkn hilarious couple. One week of them was simply not enough

If broke. Ask barbitch/bastard for cheapest shots. works a treat, and u end up blind drunk at the same time

if broke.. and in need of adult entertainment.. u can get free porn by previewing the hotels adult movie section. Just keep changing the channels.. allows u to cop an eyeful

playing big 2 using karma sutra cards is funny

Signing up to be a reward cub member at star city entitles you to $10 free use at the tables or slot machines

beer gives me smelly farts.. =S

HA! ciao amigos


"im sick... but i aint got the flu... ooOO melbourne i is missing u ;D"